From ball-scratching to tube socks, straight women often have to contend with a mountain of manliness. Dating men exposes you to things that no one can prepare you for.
I remember my first experience with skid marks like it was yesterday. It was the morning after a hot rendezvous, and I was collecting our strewn-about clothes from my floor, when suddenly there it was. I’d heard gossip of this condition, but I always assumed it was a myth, like Bigfoot.
I’m still confused by it. Have men not been taught how to use toilet paper correctly?
I’ve made many a comment to men about their less-than-appealing habits, but it never seems to sink in. This gave me an idea: Men always respond better to visual cues than verbal ones, right? So what if we, as women, found ways to demonstrate to men what they do that drive us crazy, but in a way that’s guaranteed to hold their attention?
No man wants to hear a woman nag, but I have a feeling you’ll be interested in hearing about my pet peeves.
Natasha Pearl Hansen is a stand-up comedian and actress who lives in LA. She performs at top comedy festivals, tours the country, and her act has been featured on Fox, NBC, and VH1. Her first TV pilot, “Assistants,” is coming to a screen near you soon. Follow her at @NPHcomedy
Guys, we get it. It’s tough work being on the digital battlefield. But ignoring your lady’s new lingerie to fight the Covenant, or beat up a prostitute? Not cool.
As a woman who considers herself a “bro,” I have taught myself to beat you at your game, and wear the sexy stuff while joining you in combat.
Nothing makes me laugh harder than watching a man get a boner over the view of his sweaty abs.
Yes, you’ve worked hard and earned a rock hard body. You are ripped, son! But remember, in a public facility full of mirrors, there are plenty of angles for others to catch your self-indulgent moments.
Men who get off watching themselves work out is the equivalent of lady selfies. And we all despise the fish face.
Ahh, the sniff test. It’s how we can determine if something is wearable just one last time before washing is a must.
Listen, just because your gym socks aren’t stiff yet doesn’t mean they pass this test! Anything you’ve sweated profusely in needs to be washed. Period. Without question.
I love a good musk, but I’ll take a fat pass on the body odor.
Worse than wearing dirty clothes is trying to cover the smell with cologne. There’s nothing worse than being committed to a machine at the gym, only to be punched in the face with Acqua Di Gio to the point of choking to death.
Being overly scented falls on the opposite end of the stink spectrum from BO, but it’s equally horrifying. Happy mediums, please!
Laziness reaches its ultimate form in The Chest Plate.
Using your body as a sort of flesh food tray, while watching TV, is not considered multitasking. At least respect your food enough to put it on a plate.
Sit up, dude. If you don’t have to move in order to bite your food, something needs to change.
Although this is creativity at it’s finest, no woman wants to watch her man pick their own chest hair out of their teeth.